5 Ways to Free Yourself from Codependency Now!

*Updated June 2024

Are you ready to free yourself from codependency and live an empowered life? Having a codependent personality prevents you from living to your truest potential and sucks the joy out of life. But, you can develop the skill set needed to free yourself from the bonds of codependency at any age and go on to live a fulfilled, happy life!

What is Codependency?

Codependency is an extreme emotional, physical, and psychological reliance on another person. According to an article by Mental Health America, “Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.”

Young children begin their life journey from ages 1-7 in the theta brain wave state. This is a hypnotic-like, highly impressionable state. Experts in the field of child development agree that these first 7 years of a child’s life are critical for laying the foundation of their social, emotional, and cognitive development.

And, research indicates that a child’s early experiences shape their trajectory through life. Therefore, codependent behaviors may be imprinted on a child from the first years of development.

Identifying Codependency

It makes sense then that codependency can be hard to identify. One key feature of a codependent personality is an undefined self. This simply means that codependent personalities rely on other people to define who they are.

Codependent people look outside of themselves for approval and advice because they don’t trust their own feelings. They often put others before themselves for fear of what might happen if they don’t. As a result, they create an identity around serving the needs of others.

So, watch for any behaviors that diminish you. When you find yourself giving away your power in favor of another, pay attention! You are recycling unhealthy and unhelpful learned behaviors. Now that you’ve started noticing instances of codependency, you can put a stop to this destructive pattern.

Codependency and Narcissism

However, codependent behaviors manifest differently from person to person. For instance, codependents are often portrayed as vulnerable or weak. However, narcissists can be codependent as well. Read more about narcissistic personality disorder here.

Codependent Relationships

In order to free yourself from codependency now, you have to understand how codependency works in relationships. Codependency creates dysfunctional, one-sided relationships in which one or both partners have low self-esteem.

For instance, codependency can manifest as one person becoming hyper-focused on another to the extent that they seek to control. They actually claim to know what is best for the other and will take on a more dominant or superior the role in the relationship because in their opinion they know “what’s best” for you. This stems from their driving desire to be needed or to avoid their own issues.

Codependency is not limited to romantic relationships. So, if you have the heart sinking feeling that your relationships have an uneven balance of power, you just might have a codependent personality.

Codependent Love

Codependent love can be compared to two halves trying to make a whole. A codependent relationship develops when a person with low self-esteem, and a strong desire for approval, forms an unhealthy attachment to another person. There’s a sense of needing to be rescued by the other person through validation and attention.

And, a codependent person will do whatever it takes to appease a controlling or manipulative partner. Therefore, you may neglect your own needs, or ignore your value system, to please the other. As a result, they enable their partner to engage in irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior.

Codependency Checklist:

There are varying degrees of codependency. However, you may be codependent if you:

• are a people pleaser
• have to control people and events around you
• often feel responsible for other people’s feelings and well-being
• find it necessary to help people solve their problems
• find it easier to express anger about injustices toward others, but downplay your own anger
• have trouble communicating authentic thoughts and feelings
• feel most comfortable when you are giving to others
• get defensive when other people share differing thoughts or opinions
• find it hard to set boundaries
• have a hard time accepting when someone is generous or complimentary
• feel empty if you don’t have someone to care for or a problem to solve
• are constantly worrying about other people and their problems
• put your partner’s needs before your own
• stay in unhealthy relationships
• go from one bad relationship to another

5 Ways to Free Yourself from Codependency Now!

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Unfortunately, it can seem impossible to unravel these ingrained behavioral patterns to create healthy relationships. But, with some introspection, determination, and patience you can free yourself from codependency and take your life back!

1. Find a Spiritual Practice

Creating a spiritual practice is a wonderful way to remind yourself that you matter. And, having a daily ritual can help you to nurture a strong connection to your inner self.

One effective way to do this is to meditate. Meditating will help you in shift your inner state in a positive way.

However, if you’re uncomfortable meditating, simply carve out time everyday to check in with your emotions. Find a place where you can quiet the outside world and go inward without distraction. Time alone in stillness is invaluable when healing from codependency.

When you allow your thoughts and emotions to flow freely, you can begin to deal with them in a positive way. And, when difficult emotions arise, be sure to nurture yourself in the same way you would treat your own child.

2. Be Your Own Best Friend

Enjoying time alone is an important part of self-care that many people undervalue. Too often, you may look for distractions or ways to escape your reality: scrolling social media feeds, binging Netflix, drinking, gambling, etc.

But, being still and sitting with your thoughts forces you to face repressed or negative feelings you’ve been avoiding: disappointment, fear, anger, betrayal, insecurity. If you’ve been in denial about something that’s happening in your life, sitting in silence will cause this issue to bubble to the surface.

Carving out me time cancels out all of the daily distractions and gives you a chance to daydream. This is precisely when you become your own best friend.

Once you start this process, you will learn who you truly are and can begin to develop your inner strength. You have the ability to make incredible life changes.

Your inner being is a source of infinite power. And, when you finally acknowledge this, and learn how to co-create life with the Universal power, life will begin to change.

You might be surprised to see your creative side flourish, even if it’s just finding a solution to a problem. Or, you could uncover a talent you never knew existed. Whatever the outcome, it will serve to raise your vibrational frequency and create an exciting shift in your life!

“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

Diane Von Furstenberg

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Codependent people never learned how to set boundaries. And, they don’t know how to take their power back when lines have been crossed. Over time, this behavior will wear you down causing you to feel angry and resentful. So, it’s time to stop letting others define who you are. You can learn how to re-establish boundaries and take control now!

When you feel as though a boundary has been crossed, here’s a step-by-step guide to respond without being reactive.

1. Pay attention to how you feel physically.

What happens to you physically when a boundary has been crossed? For instance, your heart rate may increase or you may get a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

2. Identify which boundary has been crossed.

Identify the behavior that crossed the line. Your feelings are valid, so respect them. It’s not necessary to explain yourself to anyone.

3. Decide which behaviors have to change.

What would make you feel comfortable in this situation? Think about how it could be handled differently the next time.

4. Set the boundary.

Calmly tell the other person exactly what you need. Be confident and don’t over-explain.

5. Face the consequences.

It’s unavoidable that there will be consequences. And, it’s crucial that you handle this part carefully. That’s because other people will undoubtedly become uncomfortable when you suddenly change the dynamic of the relationship. So, brace yourself for the inevitable fallout. But, don’t back down now! This will be challenging because you are used to accommodating other people. But, know that you are strong enough to weather the storm.

6. Move on.

Once you’ve talked about it, let it go. Now you have to accept the consequences. And, you can learn a lot during this time! Did your partner/friend/family member hear you? We’re they willing to work with you? Do they understand your triggers and respect your wishes?

Boundaries in Romantic Relationships

In a romantic relationship, learning what the other person needs can take time and some effort. It’s also important to remember that everyone has different boundaries. It’s okay to be compassionate and patient.

Keep in mind that in a healthy relationship the other person will want to know your boundaries. And, they will be willing to work within the confines of them to support you.

However, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, your partner will get angry, walk away, make excuses, blame you, or even flat out lie, when you express your feelings and try to set boundaries.

4. Pursue Your Passions

Codependent people will usually stop doing what they love for fear of losing the attention of their partner. So, the first step in regaining a strong sense of self is to start doing the things that feed your soul.

Now, you can form new, healthy relationships with like-minded people. And, this helps you build confidence. Whether you write, paint, dance, or take a yoga class, just go for it! You don’t have to create a masterpiece or win a competition. Simply spending time doing what you love will help you re-establish a sense of self.

5. Communicate Honestly and Effectively

When you are codependent, you will likely have a difficult time communicating your needs. This is because you might not actually know how you feel. Therefore, you will have to work hard to reconnect to your emotions and inner guidance system.

Moreover, codependent people are often afraid to speak their truth for fear of rejection. So, rather than say no, or express an opinion, you may agree with others or follow their lead.

What you may not realize is that you are being dishonest. You’re essentially manipulating people because of your insecurity, even though this is not your intent.

Now, it’s important that you learn to communicate in an authentic way. Speaking your truth can be scary for a codependent person. But, it may be easier than you think! In a healthy relationship, the other person will value and appreciate your input.

Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

Maggie Kuhn

Codependency and Healing

If you think you are codependent, there is hope and recovery is possible! You can successfully release unhealthy patterns of behavior and free yourself from codependency by following the steps outlined above. And, be sure to always seek professional help to work through depression and mental health issues if needed.

You can learn how to put yourself first in a healthy way and live an authentic life. It’s time for you speak your truth, set boundaries, and enjoy a healthy relationships with yourself, your friends, and your loved ones.

A therapist or life coach can teach you how to identify and change the behaviors that keep you stuck in codependency. They will give you the skills you need in order to truly learn how to cultivate healthy relationships. (Be sure to always consult a mental health professional when dealing with trauma or depression.)

Keep Reading…

If you identify as a person with a codependent personality, keep reading to learn the skills codependents and/or empaths need to enjoy healthy relationships with everyone in your life!

• To learn how to set healthy boundaries in relationships, click here.
• For an empaths survival guide, click here.
• To learn how to re-parent your inner child, click here.
• To learn how to trust your feelings as a recovering as a codependent, click here.
• To learn how to survive divorce and thrive in future relationships, click here.
• To learn more about emotional affairs, click here.
• To learn how to stop shrinking yourself to please others, click here.
• To boost self-esteem, click here.
• To build unbreakable mental resilience, click here.
• For better mental health, click here.

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