4 Things I Stopped Doing in Midlife That Transformed My Life in a Powerful Way!
*Updated June 2024
There are four things I stopped doing in midlife that transformed my life in a powerful way and I’m excited to share them with you! Midlife should be the best phase of your life, a reward for all that you’ve experienced and accomplished. But, in reality, it can be a bittersweet time that presents its own set of challenges.
Nothing can truly prepare you for the physical, emotional and logistical (empty-nest syndrome, retirement) changes that inevitably occur. However, there are some specific things you can stop doing to take control and make midlife the most fulfilling time of your life!
50 is the New 50
So, is 50 the new 40? For one, I truly hope not. Personally, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now and I wouldn’t choose to go back. There is no substitute for the richness of life’s experiences and the lessons they hold. And, this new decade is a time to savor life and reap the rewards!
One thing I know for sure is that something about that magical number has changed me. I’ve become deeply grateful for everything in my life, even the smallest blessings. I also feel a greater compassion for everyone around me. And, I understand that we each have our own path to walk, so I’m learning to be more respectful of every person’s unique journey.
Midlife Redefined
Today’s society offers a unique chance for growth and self-discovery during midlife. By rejecting outdated ideas and embracing change, we can redefine midlife on our own terms. My own journey was fueled by a desire for authenticity and the courage to let go of limitations. The result was a transformative experience that allowed me to embrace my true potential and live life with renewed purpose and passion.
4 Things I Stopped Doing in Midlife That Transformed My Life in a Powerful Way!
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Midlife Awakening
Here are the four things that I stopped doing in midlife that transformed my life in a powerful way.
1. I stopped caring about what other people thought of me (for real).
In the past, I spent time worrying about what other people thought of me. However, I came to realize that people are naturally going to judge others based on their own perspective and set of beliefs. This is something that I cannot possibly control. And, by trying to do so, I was giving my power away.
Now, I’m more concerned with how I feel about myself. And, I use this as a compass to guide my life path. This was one of the four things I stopped doing in midlife that strengthened my relationship with self, and helped me evolve into a happier, more resilient person.
Stay True to Yourself
Gossip has become a big part of the way people communicate; think social media. We’re quick to judge others or to label someone as good or bad. A lot of what people say can be negative, and it hurts when that negativity is turned toward you.
It can also create a lot of unnecessary drama in your life, but only if you let it. For example, when I started this blog, people weren’t always supportive or encouraging. But, I wanted to honor my inner voice and follow my heart. This taught me to cheer others on when they have the courage to do something that speaks to their soul whether I understand it or not.
Never underestimate the power and freedom that comes from staying true to yourself and honoring your unique contribution to the world. Approaching every experience with love and compassion will help you to deal with even the most difficult circumstances.
“What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people.”
Wayne W. Dyer
A Word on Compassion
When I am on the receiving end of an unkind comment, or the occasional backhanded compliment, I no longer give it energy. I actually feel compassion for whoever is choosing to spend their valuable time trying to bring me down.
And, once I finally stopped caring about what others thought of me, my life improved dramatically. The negative people drifted away or faded into the background of my life.
My Inner Voice
Another thing I stopped doing was asking for advice. Looking back, this was a complete game-changer for me. And, it altered the trajectory of my life. Seeking the opinions of other people to define what is right for you is never the best option. It can also signify a codependent personality.
Although the people closest to you have your best interests at heart, they can only tell you what would be best for them if they were in your shoes. They cannot know what’s right for you; only you know that!
So, go inward to get the answers. Then, trust your inner voice and move forward with confidence! There are no wrong decisions. Either things will work out as planned or you will learn the lesson you had to learn. Whatever the outcome, the Universe will give you the best experience for the evolution of your soul. And, that’s exactly why we’re here!
2. I stopped judging everything.
When I began practicing mindfulness, I was surprised to realize how often I judged everything, right down to the weather! That’s because the mind, controlled by the ego, creates a constant stream of negative thinking if left unchecked.
Judging another person harshly is not a reflection of them. It’s an indicator of your level of consciousness. But, this is not who you truly are. It’s simply an expression of ego, so don’t be hard on yourself when trying to break bad habits or change thought patterns.
“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
Earl Nightingale
What Makes Us Judge Others?
- This is how you learned to bond with others when you were young (think high school cliques).
- You may be masking your own insecurities.
- You do the same thing to yourself! If you’re critical of yourself, you may tend to be critical of others, as well.
The Boomerang Effect
What you might not realize is that when you make unkind remarks, the negativity you give out is sent back to you. As a result, you create bad karma and block your own joy. It may boost your ego in the moment, but it will most likely pull at your conscience later.
Judgement is an ugly thing. We are here to love and support each other. And, if you can’t do that, then don’t add to the negativity in the world. But, be patient with yourself. It’s inevitable that judgmental thoughts will continue to arise due to the ego.
And, keep in mind that you are not your thoughts. You can choose to observe a negative thought and then simply release it without giving it energy or attention.
Mindfulness as a Communication Tool
Mindfulness improves your ability to communicate effectively with others in difficult situations. That’s because when you are mindful, you can deliberately respond to situations, rather than react to them.
And, being mindful is a daily practice. One effective way to incorporate mindfulness into your routine is to create space in any challenging environment by acting like an outside observer. Taking a step back (and a deep breath!) will help you to gain clarity and give you a greater chance of a positive outcome.
In Psychology Today, Barbara Markway, Ph.D. shares some valuable advice, “See if you can understand where the person may be coming from. Try to rephrase your critical internal thought into a positive one, or at least a neutral one.”
Practicing mindfulness can create good karma, improve your mood, and increase the quality of your life. (If you’re interested in reading more about mindfulness, click here.)
3. I stopped agreeing to things that weren’t good for my soul.
I never felt like I fit into any one group. And, although it feels good to belong, I was okay with forging my own path. But, when I hit my mid-forties, I became even more selective. I no longer attempted to feign interest in things that didn’t make me feel joy. It was time to be true to myself.
“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”
Lalah Delia
Growing Pains
But, it wasn’t easy at first. I noticed that a lot of conversations were opportunities to complain or gossip. I had very little to contribute, so I became a great listener! I also learned how to better communicate with others by getting curious about their interests. People love to talk about what inspires them.
If someone asks me to do something I’m not interested in, I simply say, “That’s not something I am interested in.” I no longer feel as though I have to give an explanation. This is one very empowering thing I stopped doing in midlife. (However, feel free to suggest something you would both enjoy.) Your circle may grow smaller, but the quality of your life will improve!
Everyone has the free will to choose their own path. So, give yourself permission to be unapologetically you. You will discover that a brand new set of possibilities will open up to you!
So, here are some examples of the things I stopped doing in midlife.
- I limit the amount of time I spend watching television. Instead, I read, write and research.
- I stopped drinking alcohol, except for an occasional glass of wine.
- I stopped gossiping or complaining by practicing mindfulness. Now, I consciously create good karma.
- I started practicing acceptance. When I’m about to say something negative about someone else’s behavior or choices, I remind myself that that’s where they are in their journey.
- I don’t participate in anything that hurts people or animals, or anything that adds to the chaos, violence, or negativity of the world.
- I fill my life with positive, joyful things to create the best possible life experience.
By staying true to myself, I’m able to use my valuable time wisely. For instance, I created this blog, and I pursue all of my interests more fully. I also have more time to spend with the people that mean the most to me!
4. I stopped caring about things that didn’t matter.
When I was younger, I didn’t have the insight that I have now. I spent time worrying about the little things. And, I’d have an emotional reaction when things didn’t go my way. As a result, life circumstances controlled me and not the other way around.
However, at this point in my life, I’m tuned in to what truly matters. Spending time with family and friends, pursuing my passions, caring for my animals, and discovering other cultures top the list.
As one of the four things I stopped doing in midlife, not caring about trivial matters resulted in me becoming a happier, healthier and more carefree person.
Self-Acceptance
In the past, I’d allow other people to make me feel good or bad, worthy or unworthy of their affections. Fast forward to today, I feel such compassion for my younger self. I also had this wild idea that life was supposed to work out in my favor. In other words, I let the outside world dictate my emotional state and tell me how to feel about myself.
I can’t imagine what I was thinking back then! It seems ridiculous to me now that I was seeking validation, happiness, and acceptance from the outside world. Authentic joy only comes from within. And, once I figured this out, everything changed!
Now that I stopped doing this one thing in midlife, I feel more joy and confidence than I could’ve imagined.
If you’d like to read more about self acceptance and self-esteem, here are some articles you might find helpful:
- For 5 Ways to Free Yourself from Codependency, click here.
- For 3 Ways to Learn How to Trust Your Feelings as a Recovering Codependent, click here.
- For 3 Key Skills Codependents and Empaths Need for a Happy Life click here.
The Big Life Questions
And, all of this is just part of the journey. When you know better, you do better! Now, I’m focused on on developing the quality of my life.
Here are the key questions I use to guide my life:
- What is life trying to teach me?
- What experiences do I wish to fill my life with?
- How do I want to spend my valuable time?
- What kinds of relationships do I want to cultivate?
- How am I making the lives of the people around me better?
- How can I make a difference in my corner of the world?
- Am I approaching life with love, understanding, and compassion?
By reminding myself everyday of what’s important, the little annoyances in life don’t register with me anymore. I don’t give any attention to negative, low energy thoughts, people, or situations. Now, I put my focus on beautiful, positive, high energy things in life.
Embracing Midlife
Now that I’m over 50, I think about all of the wisdom I’ve accumulated over the years and I feel a deep sense gratitude. I’m much less critical of myself and others. Every day that passes, I feel more like my authentic self. And, a lot of it can be attributed to the things I stopped doing in midlife.
There is so much to look forward to, especially through the lens of doing it just for the sake of doing it, not because of what other people think. After years of trial and error, I have finally found my footing. I’m in love with the person I’ve become and the life I’ve created, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!
Recreate Yourself
Only you have the power to recreate yourself and write your own happy ending despite your hardships. When you learn the important life lessons you are meant to learn, you can open yourself up to unlimited possibilities.
You are special, unique, and whole; you are here for a special purpose. Are you ready for the challenge? It’s time to get into warrior mode. A fresh, new chapter of your life awaits! Enjoy!
Don’t Let Midlife Define You!
Here are some easy and effective things you can do starting now to increase confidence, boost energy, and slay everyday:
- Use an effective anti-aging body lotion.
- Have a daily/nightly beauty routine.
- Make exercise a priority.
- Create a personal vitamin/supplement routine that’s perfect for you.
- Add anti-aging supplements to your wellness routine.
- Take a quality probiotic.
- Take Clary Sage oil to relieve symptoms of menopause naturally.
- Shop my favorite beauty products here!
So, how did you deal with turning 50? Did any of the things I stopped doing in midlife resonate with you? I’d love to get some advice and keep the conversation going. Please comment below!
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Disclosure: Melissa Damiani is a participant in the Routine Probiotics Affiliate Program an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to merchant, and the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking amazon.com. Although I only promote products that I love, use, and have confidence in, always do your own research before purchasing any product. Read my disclaimer here.
Melissa Damiani
Melissa Damiani has a BA in Psychology and an M.Ed in Education. She is a wellness blogger and a personal coach who lives in New England with her husband and three fur babies. She enjoys reading, writing, practicing yoga, being in nature, British and medieval history, and all things Italian.
35 Comments
Christiline Johnson
Wow Melissa, This article is phenomenal. Everything you say is real. I love this article as it speaks to the truth to us females as we age and get more experiences with life. I have implemented some of these already but I am ready to heed some of those you gave personal view of. Thanks for an excellent article.
Melissa Damiani
Hello Christiline, Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comments! I strive to put my heart and soul into each and every article. And, I especially did so for this particular one. It was actually very cathartic to share my feelings and the midlife lessons I’ve learned. So, it makes me especially happy that you were able to connect with it on a deeper level. Please keep reading for more midlife inspiration. Thanks again for reaching out! With gratitude, Melissa xo
Kate
This article spoke to my soul 🥰! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom!
Melissa Damiani
Hi Kate, I’m so happy to hear that! I wish you the very best on your midlife journey. Please keep reading…
With Gratitude,
Melissa xo
Kara Herron
Thank you so much for this article. I’m 58, and I’ve been an entrepreneur with a specific company for 12 years. I’m starting to think about switching things up, which is a scary thing. But, I’m not happy anymore, and many of the things you’ve mentioned resonated with me. Lots for me to think about. 🙂 I hope it’s ok that I shared this article with my private FB group, A Process of Refinement. 🙂
-Kara
Melissa Damiani
Hi Kara, Thanks so much for reaching out! I’m so glad my article resonated with you. This particular article tends to speak to many women and for that I am truly grateful. I understand exactly how you feel. I made some big changes at about 48 and I was terrified. It was a bumpy road for a few years. I had to learn how to get comfortable with being uncomfortable (which I never really did, lol). But, things did get better and although it was a challenging time in many ways, I learned so much about myself and became a stronger, more resilient person. I also learned to let go (a bit more) and trust the process. I wish you the best moving forward in whatever you choose to do! And, please…share away!!! I would love that! Many thanks! Sincerely, Melissa xo
Tanja / Minimaattori
“So, is 50 the new 40? For one, I truly hope not. Personally, I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now and I wouldn’t choose to go back.”
This is exactly how I feel too. Ofc I feel my body getting older, but I never ever would go back and give away things I’ve learned in life.
Also, those negative emotions as judging are only hurting ourselves. This is indeed why to practice mindfulness.
Melissa Damiani
Thank you for your insightful comment! I totally agree…mindfulness (and gratitude) are key at this stage of life. Thanks so much for reaching out!
Sincerely, Melissa
Brigette Rafffels
THANK YOU! I started my transformation just after I turned 50 and then I suddenly hit a wall now at 55. I thank you for reminding me that I must go within . I know I’m different than my “friends” but I have found me a new “tribe, but still I felt I had to hold.on to them so they don’t think bad of me but for years being in their company made me feel bad about myself. I thank you again for this reminder that I’m fine and I’m where I’m suppose to be and what happened to me was lessons and and adding to my life lessons . My scares are my reminders of how I have grown.
Melissa Damiani
Hello Brigette, You’re very welcome! I’m so happy that my article resonated with you! Sometimes a simple reminder can be just what you need to continue on your path with confidence. Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing your story. With gratitude, Melissa xo
Christy
Thank you, this article really resonated with me. Coincidentally, i am turning 54 in December also. It has been a difficult year for me adjusting to all my body changes but am making good strides now. One thing i struggle with is the not giving the negative stuff a place in my head and by negative i mean all the crappy stuff going on in the world. I try to be positive but am, I suppose, too empathic. I find it hard to turn off and only concentrate on positive. Where do you find a balance? I don’t want to ignore these things and be uninformed either.
Melissa Damiani
Hi Christy, thank you so much for reaching out. I’m glad you’re making progress with all of the physical changes. I have gotten to a good place too and I’m beyond grateful for that!💃
As an empath and a HSP, I completely understand. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t watch news anymore. And, I am selective about what I watch and read in general. I research what interests me, or what I feel is an important issue, from sources I trust.
I’ve been doing this for a while now and it hasn’t left me feeling uninformed, as I was concerned about as well. So, that’s my take on it. I hope it helps!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. And, I hope you will keep reading!
With gratitude, Melissa xo
Erin
Hi there,
There is so much truth in all that you have mentioned about what we say, do and allow ourselves to endure from our surrounding influences. I am turning 54 and have recently realized how important it is to stop some convenient routines and step up to take better care of me, regardless of the extra push I may have to give myself.
Saying, doing and constant worry over achieving what makes others happy is exhausting and the only person that is unhappy, drained and exhausted is myself. Only myself to blame, time to stop the cycle.
Keep up the positive outlook and enjoy each day, life is good! 🙂
Melissa Damiani
Hello Erin, I am turning 54 soon, too!😊 Thank you for reaching out and for your insight. It’s always a good thing to prioritize self care, even if it feels indulgent or like a lot of work! Lol. I’m so glad you reached out. Thanks again and keep reading! With gratitude, Melissa
Anne Stevens
Please sign me up for your newsletter
Melissa Damiani
Will do Anne! Thank you!
With Gratitude,
Melissa
Michaelann
Thank you for your post. At 52 I have finally accepted that I have started going through “IT”. And my ups and downs have been off the chart. I have been reading for things to do to help me and came across your post. It really made me think that it is time to do things for me and to make certain changes for my life to be better than before. Thank you for your post and your thoughts and ideas. This gives me a great place to start this new ” change” in my life and hopefully get a control on it. Thank you again.
Melissa Damiani
Hi Michaelann, I am so happy to hear that my post has been helpful to you on your journey! I’ll be 54 in November. And, going through this phase of life, I realize even more fully how important it is to make purposeful and meaningful changes (as we change). It can be a daily practice, but I continually remind myself to take a pro-active approach in every area of my life. I also have to say that entering midlife/menopause is actually a lot more challenging for me (and I’m sure many women) than I realized it would be. So, I appreciate you reaching out so much! Please continue to read and share with friends. Best of luck to you! With gratitude, Melissa xo
Pamela
What a great article. Many areas resonate with me. At 58 I’m really starting to take stock of what this decade has taught me as I head into my 60’s.
Melissa Damiani
Hi Pamela, Thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it and that it resonated with you! This decade (my 50’s) has certainly been an interesting one! It’s caused me to dig a bit deeper and reflect a lot more! Lol. Best of luck as you enter into a new, and hopefully wonderful phase of life. Thanks again and keep reading. 🙂
With gratitude,
Melissa xo
Tina
This is a really helpful blog post. I’m 53 and in a process of reassessment, since my last child left for college a couple of years ago. I think your instructions on judgement are so helpful because we judge each other and ourselves so much. I’m also grateful that you mentioned not doing things that you aren’t interested in. This has been huge for me. And yes, my circle is smaller but I feel freer and happier letting go of things that held no joy for me. Thank you for so much insight!
Melissa Damiani
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment Tina. It’s wonderful to connect to other likeminded people who are in a similar life situation. And, it’s nice to know that we’re not alone! Entering into this stage of my life has been both daunting and incredibly healing and beautiful. And, I’m glad to see you’re on that same path. Namaste, Melissa ☺️
Catarina Monge
Great read! Once I hit 40, I was like “Yes! I’m finally an adult!”
No longer is midlife “over the hill”, rather it’s the better stretch of the road our life is on.
Melissa Damiani
Hi Catarina, I love the way you put that, and I totally agree! I’m so glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for reaching out! Sincerely, Melissa
Marshalee
Thank you so much for sharing these amazing tips. I’ll definitely keep these in mind for when I hit my 40s. 🙏🏾
Melissa Damiani
Hi Marshalee, You’re very welcome! Thank you for reaching out…I’m so glad you found these tips helpful! Love, Melissa xo
Judith
Before reading this post, I thought ‘here we go another post about make yourself feel good.’ Yep, pre-judging. AFTER, reading this, IT WAS GREAT. I’m not quite there but at 42, I’m making it a point to be more my true self. A lot of your points resonate with me and I totally agree with you. Thank you for this post. I always believe things are put in your path for a reason. Even if it’s just a post. #NewSubscriber
Melissa Damiani
Hi Judith, I just updated my post and was reading through the comments. I thought I responded to you but I didn’t see it here. I just wanted you to know how much I loved and appreciated this one. I try really hard to go deeper and give my readers a rich experience. So, thank you for acknowledging that and for reaching out. Much love to you! Melissa
Kayce
I’ve always been told I’m an old soul at heart and when I turned 40 last year that’s how I felt. I felt like well I got 20 more good years left and that’s it. How depressing! I wanted to feel good, feel like a new person. Make these years worth it. I was researching how to meditate and came across this blog and I love every bit of it. I’ve been telling myself for months to just be myself and do what I want to do and enjoy. So thank you for speaking for all of us. I’m bookmarking this so I can always refer back to it.
Melissa Damiani
Hi Kayce,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful insights and kind words. I am always so grateful when my thoughts and words reach like-minded people. I continually remind myself that our purpose here is to keep growing, learning and moving forward with grace despite the challenges we face. It’s definitely a daily practice and one that can be quite difficult at times. I am so happy you reached out! And, if I could give a bit of advice from my 54 year old perspective…the 40’s are an incredible decade. Relish every moment! With love and gratitude, Melissa
Julia
I just loved this: “I don’t participate in anything that hurts people or animals, or anything that adds to the chaos, violence, or negativity of the world”.
This just sums everything up!
Melissa Damiani
Hi Julia, Thank you so much! I think sometimes we just go with the flow, or the status quo, without deeply thinking about how our choices may impact the world. Thank you for the thoughtful comment and the support. I hope you are enjoying my blog! ♥️ With gratitude, Melissa
Andrea
This post really resonated with me. I love the idea of a middle-aged awakening and learning to be unapologetically yourself. As a 48 year-old woman, I am grappling with the same issues.
Peggy Alderman-Barnas
I found this article at a perfect time in my life. Thank you for for inspiration & advice. Looking forward to future reading. 🤍 Peggy
Melissa Damiani
Hi Peggy, You actually sent this kind message of inspiration to ME at the perfect time lol! So thank you for that! I’m so happy that this article resonated with you. It was thoughtful of you to reach out! Enjoy!!! With Gratitude, Melissa xo 💙